I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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