I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
