Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
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She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
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This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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