it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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