Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
