you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
