Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
