I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize