My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
