That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
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