the condom got lost in my hair
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I think your dad took our porno
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
