just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
vagina is talking i cant
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
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