I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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