Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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