Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
