So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
