; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
