What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
We left an ass print on the piano.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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