I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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