i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
