ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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