I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
