My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
