Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
