I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
