just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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