don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
