I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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