it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Randomize
