'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
