giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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