New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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