Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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