capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
They took my balls.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
My feet surprised me
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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