Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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