So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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