My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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