At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
