I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
