Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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