I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
