ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize