He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize