Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
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