i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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