did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
