thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I am one with the molecules
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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