did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
