I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
