Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
