When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
