Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
