Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
