Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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