the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize