Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
