mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
