Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
