This dress was meant to end up on your floor
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
