Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
