I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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