we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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