I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize